Authors Chuck Buda and Armand Rosamilia write tales of terror and suspense, and their latest collaboration, Keyport Cthulhu 2, takes readers inside a small New Jersey fishing village populated by a cult of monster worshipers.Toner Buzz caught up with these two busy authors on their current book tour to talk terror...and toner!
What is your new book, Keyport Cthulhu 2, about?
CHUCK: It is an old-fashioned, American love story between an esoteric cult of monster worshippers and their tentacled sea deity. If you like weird stories, belong to a cult, or have a propensity toward fried fish, then this is a book for you.
ARMAND: Mmm…fried fish.
So it’s got a strong New Jersey connection?
ARMAND: Very strong. I took the Cthulhu mythos and moved it south to New Jersey and did it so it (hopefully) makes sense. I lived in Keyport for a couple of years and loved the small fishing village feel as well as the locals who’d been there for generations and sometimes kept their distance from non-locals. Plus, there were a lot of fish people under the docks.
CHUCK: I grew up near the town of Keyport and spent my childhood shopping for school clothes and Sunday shoes there. My parents would bring us there to eat fresh seafood too.
Do you think Cthulhu could change a toner cartridge in an HP Laserjet printer?
CHUCK: I would imagine he could change many toner cartridges simultaneously. He’s a god so he can pretty much do whatever he wants. I happen to know he is extremely fond of the magenta color cartridge.
ARMAND: In my humble opinion he wouldn’t need to. The Esoteric Order of Dagon has a high-ranking member called Magenta Cartridge Changer who does all his dirty work.
What about a fuser unit?
ARMAND: You lost me. Is that a brand of soda?
CHUCK: A fuser unit might be more difficult from a dexterity angle. However, I wouldn’t challenge him because he refuses to fail at anything, especially challenges from lowly human beings.
Are you ink or toner men?
CHUCK: I’m an ink kind of guy. I love my tattoos and hope to get some more soon…oh, wait. You meant about printers. My bad. I’m an ink kind of guy.
ARMAND: I don’t even own a printer. I’m so 1990s. If I need something printed, like a major publishing contract (still waiting) my wife does it at her work. We have a printer in the garage but I refuse to hook it up. I am scared of three things: printers, tofu and my wife.
What’s your favorite printer and why?
ARMAND: I used to use a local Keyport printer when I was managing metal bands in the mid-90s. He’d have to retype and format all the lyrics in the demos and I always wondered what the old man thought of such cliché drivel, uh, I mean… awesome lyrical content.
CHUCK: I’m loyal to my Canon MG6400. We met in 2015 and have been together ever since. I would never cheat on her.
If Cthulhu had social media accounts would he/she/it be an influencer or a troll?
CHUCK: Excellent question. I would have to believe he would be both. As an Ancient God, Cthulhu would own the Kardashians and Ariana Grande on Instagram. He’d also troll the puny humans who failed to worship his greatness. It would end very badly for them, probably in a slurping puddle of goo at the bottom of the ocean.
ARMAND: Decent question...let’s not get carried away. I believe only Ashton Kutcher would have more followers than Cthulhu, and only because he’s slightly prettier. Slightly.
Would Cthulhu shop at Walmart or Lord and Taylor?
ARMAND: Lord and Taylor. Again, he has followers that will actually pick up the items. I definitely see Cthulhu enjoying some online shopping.
CHUCK: Definitely Walmart. He loves a great bargain as much as any god. However, the greeters really piss him off.
Who would win in a fight: Cthulhu, Godzilla, or the giant kaiju from Pacific Rim?
CHUCK: Armand told me to say Cthulhu or else he would erase my name from the cover of the book. So, Cthulhu. Yes. Definitely Cthulhu.
ARMAND: Cthulhu. Good answer, Chuck.
I’ve heard Cthulhu buys toner cartridges at the Staples on Route 9. Why would he do this when he could save 40% shopping at Toner Buzz.com?
CHUCK: That was just a rumor. Staples sucks. Route 9 sucks even more. Cthulhu would never, ever stoop to big box stores trapped by the stop-and-go traffic on Route 9. He always shops for genuine, brand name toner and ink at Toner Buzz.com! And so do I. Everyone should shop at Toner Buzz.com and tell them Cthulhu sent you!
ARMAND: I foresee a cross-promotion between Cthulhu and TonerBuzz.com. Maybe even a cool commercial with The Esoteric Order of Dagon cultists shopping at TonerBuzz and hijinx ensue!
Keyport Cthulhu 2 releases March 26! Order your copy today!